PrIncEsS sHaN <body>

♥ Sunday, November 16, 2008♥

Send him a blank SMS yesterday.. Wanted to get his attention. He reply me why send him a blank msg? I didn't reply him then.




Somehow or rather i really miss him.. Miss talking to him, as if 1 day nv talk to him will die like that, keep telling myself cannot call him, cannot contact him i must keep the promise of the sms i send to him. In the end i surrunder my dignity i called him, pretending to asked him abt the DVD i lend him.



WHY, WHY? i have treated him as part of my life how? Is like without him i will feel weird, feel uncomfotable.. I cannot and i dun wanna depend on him too much. I really sink myself down to the bottom of the well, really put him deep into my heart.. ARGH!! I dun wanna get hurt frm all tis but just dunno why he seem so important to me now.



We chatted yesterday night.. He asked me hw am i? I told him i cough out blood.. He told me if by today i still not well give him a call and he will come fetch me to see doc.. Feel touch he will say such thing but i told him not to worry.



Read tru the blog i posted 2 yrs back about him, frm the blog i can see i'm really very happy tat time when i know him.. But now it different.. It not i'm not happy now but is like there are more unhappy moment now.



不是对方不重视我,儿是我把对方看得太重. It not i'm not important in his eye but is he too important in my eye isnt' tat true? Tat why sometime it make me feel tat i'm alway not important in his eye but actually is he is too important in my eye.



I really hate myself, why am i so dependent on him? why i love him too much? ARGH!! 被爱是幸福，爱人是痛苦, tis is so true but for me i rather be with someone i love then someone i dun love. No matter wat women still will prefer to be love then to love.



Frankly speaking i still feel hurt inside.. But i also cannot blame him coz his gal is so much more important to him feeling moody is normal.. If his gal is healthy and alive they are already marry and who know already have children and i might not have know him. I can feel the sadness in him, sepreated frm someone u love is really a very miserable feeling, those who nv went tru tis will nv nv know the feeling.




For some of us we might break off with our love 1 but they are still alive and we might have the chance to see them again but to Wisely is different he can nv see her again.. Tis is really a very sad thing further more can see he love her so much.



Well.. Maybe i shall just swollow every unhappy thing tat happen tis few days down. What for wanan bring up more quarrel then make everyone unhappy. At least i know he still care for me, it might not be alot but at least the care is there, i shall be contented.



PrInCeSs ShaN


♥ Saturday, November 15, 2008♥

Yesterday called Wisely.. We had a quarrel again.. He cap my phone. Now i really dunno am i a 好人 or a 怀人?.. It make me feel bad, feel mean, feel unreasonable, not understanding.. But another way it make me sad, disapointed and heart break.



12th Nov was his gal 3rd anniversary... I really forgotten abt tis day until he told me yesterday.. Normally during tis period of 1 week i will always leave him alone coz is his cooling period but yesterday was exceptional.



I forgotten to leave him alone and i throw my temper say all those ugly words.. I told him i have an accident the previous day, i vomiited feeling giddy and headache and went to see doc in NUH A&E, but i was fine then.



I asked him is her free today? He say ya.. So i expect him to make an effort to come and see him coz i will be free after 5pm, but his reply was he dun feel like going out.. So i say those ugly and angry words like " We are only Smarty and Wisely", "i'm fine and i heaven die or admitted to hospital".. He cap my phone immediately.. He had nv do tis before..



When i called him back on his hand phone he nv answer so i called his house, he has no choose but to answer loi. He told me he dun like to listen to all tis "die and hospital things".. He say coz of his gal anniversay so he gt no mood and he know i'm fine so he is not worry.



To me he will only come and visit me if i'm admitted but now i'm not admitted and i'm fine so he dun have to come and see me.. To me i only wan his concern and care frm his heart, truely frm his heart not only when i admit then he will come and see me and if i'm not he will not.



I'm really sad and disapointted when he say he gt no mood and not coming..Even those i shall be understanding.. But have he think hw i feel? I'm injured, i have an accident don't he think he will feel better only when he come and see me and make sure i'm really fine rather then i told him tru the phone? The one tat always treat me like 宝贝,that say i'm important in his eye but when i met with an accident he didn't bother to come and see me even i'm not admitted.



I know i shall be understanding to him for tis period but i'm really hurt, hurt to the extend tat i really say dun ugly things and after saying i feel bad, i feel mean.. People miss his ex GF and feel sad yet i wanted him or expect him to come and see me.. BUT REMEMBER I also wan his concern and attention also..



I think if i dun have an accident i will not bother him and all tis quarrel will not happen. Now i'm really confuse 我是好还是坏? I shall give him my best understanding for tis period but i also throw my temper at him at tis period coz i dun get his concern frm coming and see me.. I'm really confuse..



Am i right or wrong? 我是好还是坏？.. He apologise to me sorry and we will talk other day and i told him for the time being we shall not contact each other. It hurt to msg tis and i'm scare we will really lost contact but dun u think we shall cool down or i shall cool down?



Didn't receive his SMS for the whole day.. Maybe he treat my sms seriously and is super angry and sad at the same time ba.



伤心的人更伤心 is more suitable for him or for me?



PrInCeSs ShaN